beginnings
by matchboxcars
Summary: While Jim found his footing in the first month, Spock was at his side, unobtrusive and steady. Jim did not notice, please R and R!
1. Chapter 1

When Kirk first beamed aboard the enterprise as its captain, he did so with a splitting migraine and resentment in the pit of his stomach. He had wanted Gary as his first officer. And why not? That man had risked his life, had nearly lost it, to save Jim Kirk, and he wasn't even allowed the honor of being second in command. Perhaps it was this inner brooding that had led him to, when he was introduced to Mr. Spock, forget that the quiet, tall man before him was Vulcan, and Kirk had pushed out his chest and reached his hand forward. As he did so he realized his mistake, and prepared himself for a great deal of embarrassment, but none was forthcoming, his hand was enveloped by the warm fingers of this suddenly enigmatic Vulcan.

" It is an honor to serve under you sir" 

Jim quirked his head, trying to formulate the correct response,

" Thank you, you're accomplishments in science are most commendable, I look forward to working with you"

The Vulcan tilted his head at this, and looked behind Jim to the commodore that seemed to be watching them with rapt attention. He simply nodded his head. Jim walked away to meet his chief engineer, and as he approached the Scot, he realized his headache was nothing more than a dull presence around his temple. He turned his head back towards Spock, but saw nothing except the sight of the blue dress shirt leaving the reception through the side doors.


	2. Chapter 2

James T. Kirk found himself in the first month of his command of the Enterprise. Perhaps this was not something he wished to do, for the time was filled with difficult decisions and incredible loneliness. Not that Kirk had not known loneliness before, but it seemed incrementally increased by the fact that his crew, who he barely knew, where throwing their lives down for him at any given moment. It was not long before Gary was not the only one who risked his life for Jim, and soon enough, someone died for him.

Death took the cockiness out of the captain's shoulders, and for a week, he walked around ashen and exhausted. Death is never an easy thing. It got easier though, through simple human will power to move on, and when it happened the second time, Jim Kirk did not fall so hard or so fast.

He began to move away from Mitchell, as the rest of the crew gravitated slowly towards their charming and charismatic captain. When he first came aboard the ship, Gary and he were incredibly close, like brothers. When Jim looks retrospectively, he wonders if he attached himself to Gary for some twisted need to atone for having his life saved. But others were now doing so, and dying, and Gary's sacrifice began to seem natural, not some superhuman act of kindness; and Kirk realized he didn't owe the man anything.


	3. Chapter 3

While Jim found his footing in the first month, Spock was at his side, unobtrusive and steady. Jim did not notice. While he realized Gary was fine as navigator and really, Spock was probably a better choice for first, he did not notice Spock or the man's loyalty and indispensable knowledge and caress. He took notice of the man only when necessary, or, as humans are known to do, when Spock spoke too coldly, or was less than his normal, Vulcan perfection. It never occurred to him that the alien had sacrificed more than what most would consider worth it, just to be aboard this ship, just to be an officer, ignored as he currently was. It never occurred to him, how many times, in just that first month, Spock had saved lives, or even the ship.

It wasn't until month three of command that Kirk truly felt the presence of his first officer. They had to be locked up, just the two of them, on Lamitius V, for Kirk to actually realize his first officer was more than just a blurry figure he saw out of the corner of his eye. The two officers had beamed down, and it had not taken long before, as would be their fate many times in the next five years, they were captured and locked in one very cold and dank prison cell. After five minutes Spock informed Jim that it was hopeless to attempt to escape until a guard came and they could overtake him. Kirk almost jumped at his voice, so calm, so even.

The leader of their captors arrived an hour later, an hour that had been used planning different methods of escape should different situations arise. They had not prepared for the seven foot tall robed man who appeared made of stone he was so solid. His flesh was a venous shade of blue, his eyes were black, and five guards surrounded him. To attempt escape would be a futile and dangerous exercise. So they waited, until the leader spoke,

" come"

was all he said, and in less than a minute, the door was unlocked and Kirk and Spock were surrounded by guards.

Kirk had always feared interrogation, and soon enough, he was enduring one, shirtless, with one Lamitian asking questions while the other one beat him. They thought he was a spy. Absentmindedly, he wondered if they were doing the same to Spock, but received an extra hard whip on the back when he asked after him. Ninety minutes later he was thrust back into his cell, and passed the next half an hour waiting, becoming increasingly frantic, for his first officer.

When they threw Spock back in, Kirk very nearly gasped. He too was shirtless, but his skin was an unnatural shade of brown, his back had huge green gashes, and he was wet.

"what did they do to you"

Spock sat down with his usual grace and poise, before responding.

" they threw ice water on me 46 times, and beat me with both whip and what I believe was a device resembling an Earth cattle prod."

Kirk moved over to Spock, fighting the nausea that was beginning to churn in the pit of his stomach.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes captain, however you appear to have sustained wounds yourself, I am compelled to ask you the same question."

"They were nicer to me, I'm fine"

Kirk reached out to the emerald welts that covered Spock's back; his skin was abnormally cold, even for a human.

"you're freezing"

"indeed"

Kirk looked around for blankets, beginning to think that his first officer was in the beginning stages of hypothermia, or shock, or both, and grew worried when he found none. It would be another hour before the crew attempted to locate them by activating the transponders, and an hour could be a very deadly amount of time.

An hour turned into more when, on board, the transporter quit working. The lamitians did not approach them again, but Spock's condition worsened. He grew weak. When the guard came to give them their meal, Kirk was given his first demonstration of the Vulcan nerve pinch, and though his first officer was ill, he still managed to save Kirk from being killed at knife point by the "leader". They managed to find their communicators just as Scotty fixed the transporter, a miracle that they would forever be thankful for. Spock collapsed just as the beam came down over them.


	4. Chapter 4

Jim got to know the snarfy new Doctor McCoy while Spock recovered in sickbay from what the good doctor called

" damn green blooded hypothermia, coulda killed himself".

Jim liked the old crank, liked his ale too, and finally felt the loneliness easing. He found himself visiting sickbay less for the barely conscious Spock and more for McCoy, for his easy conversation and cynical comments, for his honesty.

Spock recovered slowly. Hypothermia is usually fatal in Vulcans, the only thing saving the first officer was his human half. Spock spent the two weeks following the incident in the ships version of the ICU under intense heat with fluids being pumped into his arm while he vomited from all of the doctor's "potions". Spock had never liked doctors, as a child he had often been sick from his hybrid breeding, spent much of his time under the cold eyes of healers, and later, in Starfleet, at the hands of doctors over exuberant at his unique make up. He had always felt himself a freak when in the proximity of malicious Vulcans and medical officers. To be honest, he felt himself a freak most of the time, but it was exacerbated by those two groups of people.

After the two weeks, Spock's condition appeared to worsen. When Jim strode into sickbay to see his first officer in convulsions, he was hit with the idea that the man might die. He accredits this moment to his realization that to lose Spock was to lose more than he could possibly comprehend. Doctor McCoy had to administer two hypos and increase the temperature of the bed to far over one hundred degrees before Spock returned to normal. He awoke five minutes later, while Kirk was frantically asking McCoy what had happened, and he weakly called out. The doctor sighed as he grabbed a basin and held it for Spock as he purged himself into it. When he fell back onto the pillow, Spock received what would be the first of many long, drawn out lectures. Spock simply raised his eyebrows and directed his gaze at Jim.

"Captain"

"Mr. Spock, you gave me quite a fright, how are you"

"My apologies, I appear to be recovering, despite what you just witnessed"

That seemed to be all the Vulcan could muster, and McCoy was beginning his mother hen routine and telling Spock to

"quit jabbering and get some sleep you pointy eared fool".

The doctor proceeded to usher Jim out of the room with a

" Let him get his rest Jim, I think he's finally getting better"


	5. Chapter 5

After five days, Spock was released to limited duty, which he proceeded to perform with great haste. Jim watched the science officer carefully during his two-hour shift, and wondered how he had missed so much of this man before. He had never seen a science officer that was more efficient, knew more off the top of his head, had such knowledge of the workings of both the Enterprise and enemy ships, and could respond to a computer malfunction quicker. He worked carefully with the crew, his tone precisely measured to human comfort, so no ensign thought he was angry or happy. Jim hypothesized that this took more work than it seemed.

"Humans", he thought, "must be awfully tricky"

He began to look for the first officer when he was in the mess, or the gym, began to wonder why there had never been the token awkward moment as there usually is when two officers share a bathroom. Kirk was normally a curious man, but now he was fascinated. He stopped eating his dinner at peak hours, and played around with the time until he found out when Spock ate, at nine-o clock at night, when there was almost no one in the mess at all. He approached the singular form cautiously, and sat down with the words

"You eat late Mr. Spock"

The Vulcan looked up to his Captain, and said evenly,

"To be in the proximity with a great deal of humans who broadcast their emotions so easily, is not impossible, but it is quite.. Difficult."

Kirk had nothing to say, he could only look at Spock in amazement, could only wish that he understood this strange, brilliant man better. It was of course, Spock who managed to keep the conversation flowing and make Kirk feel welcome. The Vulcan knew insecurity, he had it himself so recognized it easily with others, especially with Kirk.

" I have been told you play a most interesting game of chess Captain"

" Do you play Mr. Spock"

"Indeed, chess is a most beneficial strategic game, an excellent source of mental stimulation"

Kirk knew this was the closest Spock would come to saying " it's fun" and so with a smile and a great deal of unnecessary flourish, he relinquished a chess board. It was the first time Kirk played chess until midnight without winning more than half of the games. That evening would go down in Kirk's mind as perhaps the brightest light in what was a very dark beginning of command.


	6. Chapter 6

Authors Note: so I really have no life, this is I think the fifth chapter in one day, and all because there are an "unexpected amount of traffic" on the site and so I can't update, and in frustration, just keep on writing chapters, I have no idea where this is going, but I don't think I've ever written anything this long, so whoo hoo! You should all review, because I need the confidence boost, it makes me write more. )

They began to play chess weekly, then twice weekly, in quarters or in the rec room. They had both met their match. It took Kirk a long time to realize that Spock was neither assured nor confident, but when he did, it was only because he had begun to notice the subtlety of Spock, the little things, like the small glint in his eye when something was humorous, or the slight raising of the shoulders when he was frustrated. Insecurity came in a strange form, in the almost invisible hardening of his expression into what was already Vulcan perfection, in the resounding flatness of his voice. An ordinary, insecure, full-blooded human that was like Spock would have hid behind his knowledge and scientific ability. Spock did not, and Kirk wondered why, watched and observed Spock until he realized that, Spock was insecure about pretty much everything about himself. Kirk wondered why, and watched and waited once more, until the opportunity presented itself.

The Thalimians were a strange group indeed, humanoid, except for the fact that they had yellow skin, blue hair, and tails. Tails like iguanas to be precise. The diplomat that represented the main government on the small planet was named Cyrab, and when Kirk, Spock, and Uhura beamed down, they were met with a warm welcome and a lavish banquet.

Cyrab was quite interested in Spock, and as the Vulcan was quite far away from him at the long table, he directed his questions to Kirk, who was seated next to him. Eventually, Kirk ran out of answers, and Cyrab's attendee was instructed to switch places with Spock. Kirk watched with interest as Spock patiently answered all the Thalimian's questions, which were many and quite illogical.

Spock, however, became almost imperceptibly uneasy when the interrogation turned to his childhood, and he began to answer the questions the way any Vulcan would.

"Was your schooling good?"

"Indeed, it was most thorough and efficiently administered"

"Did you have many friends as a child"

"Negative"

"Why not?"

" Friends are formed on emotion, Vulcans do not have emotion"

"You're captain is your friend"

At this Kirk started, and Spock glanced at him before turning back to his questioner,

"Affirmative"

"But, how is that…"

"As a child, I had difficulty mastering the Vulcan way, and so was therefore isolated"

Kirk had no idea what that was supposed to mean, knowing that for everyone at the table it meant that Spock's teachers had isolated him. But Jim had always been interested in Vulcan, and its people, and knew that what Spock had implied was not entirely true. Most Vulcans, especially as children, had friends. He had heard that at the schools, the groups of children often became very close, and that it was allowed because it appeared to help in their training. His mind turned, and came to the conclusion that Spock's childhood was not quite as logical and standard as it perhaps should have been.

Kirk broke into the conversation with questions about the planet, and then had Uhura produce the contract into the federation that Cyrab had promised to sign upon meeting the executive officers. They beamed up shortly after dessert, Cyrab, now quite drunk, tiring of their presence. Spock was all Vulcan.

The first officer seemed to relax a little once they arrived on the ship, and so Kirk turned to him

"Chess, Mr. Spock"

" Indeed Captain, what is the location you would prefer"

Kirk had hoped Spock would leave the option open to him, and, trying not to sound too eager, he swayed his shoulders around and said

"how about you're quarters?"


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer (late though it is I always forget these things): All references to Star Trek and the use of it's characters is not for profit and I claim no right of ownership to the characters or other related references.   
Authors note: thanks to aquamarine382 for your reviews, I really do appreciate the support, it truly is the engine of my writing, and the rest of you, please read and review, otherwise I will continue to do what I am doing now, which is tell myself that none of you are reading cuz I'm a horrible writer. If that is true, just let me know, and at least I can continue to write with the hope that I will get better. Thanks guys!   
"I'm sorry if I made you disclose anything you were uncomfortable with" 

Spock's head jerked sharply away from the chessboard. His gaze met Kirk's with such question that Jim began to wonder if the Vulcan had heard him wrong.

"No apology is necessary sir, I did not disclose such information"

"What did you mean by 'isolation'?"

Spock shifted and looked down at the chessboard, carefully rocking the pawn between his thumb and forefinger before making his move.

"I was ostracized"

"But why"

Kirk's eyes narrowed in attempt to comprehend why anyone would want to make a conscious effort to avoid contact with Spock, would want this ever gentle and brilliant soul to be alone.

"There are many on Vulcan who say it is illogical for a Vulcan to form relations with a human, let alone have a child with one. While very few of my teachers were openly disdainful of me, my fellow students where somewhat more brash in their acceptance of that opinion."

"What, did they do?"

"Captain?"

"If Vulcan children are anything like Earth children, I doubt you just received the silent treatment."

"If you mean did they torment me? Yes, however, it helped me to gain stronger control faster, I am better because of it. Your move Captain"

Jim scanned the board with fleeting concentration. He would not win the game, his thoughts too consumed by Spock's revelation. Spock's prediction of checkmate in three was, this time, correct, but Jim lingered on after the game.

"Did you mean what you said"

"Specify"

"Am I really your friend?"

"Would you object if I were to answer in the affirmative?"

"Only if you say affirmative **Captain**"

" I do not…"

" Spock, I would never object to your friendship, I'm honored."

"Thank you Ca… Jim."


	8. Chapter 8

Authors Note: thank you all so much for the reviews. I think this is the last chapter, actually I know it is. So here she is, the entire story, all finished. Which is a good thing because this chair is starting to hurt my butt. So please R and R!!!

It would be cliché and trite to say "the rest is history". It also would not do the intricate relationship the two men formed justice. They walked together as one being, dark and light, yin and yang. They were an eternal friendship in a situation with a five-year time limit. If one were to review, in succession, the missions and situations the two officers were involved in the years to follow that one chess game, they would think they were witnessing two very suicidal brothers. Brothers of different parents, perhaps, but brothers all the same.

Doctor McCoy remembers how, at one time, they both beamed up from a landing party, looking disheveled, Kirk sheepish and Spock stoic. They were covered in lacerations, Kirk was limping and Spock had a sprained wrist. They had been captured, they said, and with a shake of the head, McCoy had fixed them up. As he watched them leave, hip to hip, one with a swaggering gait and a smile, the other with an eye brow raised, the doctor realized that, for the duration of the mission, they would equally spend their time, quite simply, attempting to keep the other one from dying. McCoy would spend his time attempting to keep them both from doing so. With a gentle sigh and a lazy wave of a hypo, Leonard McCoy had allowed their forms to disappear as they walked into the turbo lift and he into sickbay, knowing they would be back again soon enough. They reminded him of two small boys, running to their mother with silly grins and skinned knees, holding the others hand while antiseptic was sprayed, both trying not to cry when it stung. That was how it would always be with the two of them: It would be okay until life started to hurt, and it would be okay when the pain began, for the simple fact that they had hands, and they had each other.


End file.
